I regret all the years of not giving 110% to my studies.

And now I have to pay for my consequences.

I’ve never been an exceptional student. Always been borderline average. Mediocre. I hate it.

I study, sure I do. Just like every other student, I too burn the midnight oil. Leaving the exam hall, I usually don’t feel too bad but my results show otherwise. After much disappointment, it’s almost like I’ve come to accept that I’m just not made for this. It’s absolutely terrible for me to think this way, but it’s true.

I knew my CMA didn’t look too good. But I avoided thinking about it. I was stupid.

And now that I’m closer to the end of this road, I just suddenly feel this great big burden on my shoulders.

Me, a student who gets no more than a credit in every paper.. Aiming to graduate with a distinction?

Am I being realistic here?

I just can’t bear the thought of my parents spending ~RM28 000 to attend the graduation of their daughter whose merely graduating with a merit.

And it doesn’t get any better knowing that my closest buddies will be walking away with a distinction without me.

I have to put in every ounce of physical and mental energy to push my CMA to a borderline distinction. I already feel exhausted just thinking of what I have to do to redeem myself.

Shit. I know it’s gonna be SO worth it.

But I’m not sure I can do it =’(