Life, stripped naked

I’ve been moody lately.

I feel tired all the time.

I’ve lost passion for baking.

I’ve been sitting at home feeling bad that I’m wasting my time.

And the gastric? Well.. it’s not exactly making things any easier.

I can’t even blame PMS anymore because that was long over and I feel bad for the people at home that have been tolerating my expressionless face, minimal response and lack of movement.

I have no outlet.

But I find that distraction helps.

Friday night was the hardest I’ve laughed in a long time. It revolved around James throwing Hello Kitty at me and funny car sounds by Keren and Anushia. Finally at TTDI and I forced some into having lok lok with me before we went to Eckywooby for 2 sips of beer (2 buckets for the rest).

The distraction lasted till 4am.

Oh how I wish I can be thrown back into Sabah, where people weren’t petty and unreasonable and relationships were simple.

I onlyyyyyy watch the Golden Globes to see dresses! DRESSES DRESSES DRESSES!! WHOOO~!!! And these are my favourites in the recent 66th Annual Golden Globe Awards.

My 3rd favourite look…

Drew Barrymore in a sky blue gown from Christian Dior by John Galliano.

I think many are gonna disagree with me saying how poofy her hair was and how she looks like she just woke up. Well, I beg to differ. She looks so feminine in that soft, flowy pastel blue dress. And her hair is done to match with light soft waves. I love it! The only thing I don’t get is the red clutch.

My 2nd favourite look…

Eva Longoria in a red  scallop edged Reem Acra dress.

Stunning!!

My most favourite look has got to be…

Eva Mendes in a white pleated Dior gown accessorised with a beautiful Van Cleef & Arpels turquoise necklace.

I . want . to . look . like . that !!!!

4 hours for a 10 minute interview chat.

Yes, CHAT! Basically nearly the whole conversation was for them to squeeze me as hard as possible to tell them which other state other than Selangor/KL I wouldn’t mind being campak-ed to.

It was so hard to convince them to give me a place in Sngor/KL because the fact is I didn’t have a doctors’ letter and I’m not retarded disabled in any way. So I didn’t have a valid enough reason.

I kept trying to explain that it was my choice to study overseas and my parents supported me without complain. I owe my parents that and the least I could do now is to be around for them in return.

Hearing the word ‘owe’, Mrs. Pengerusi started to laugh and said,

“So you don’t think you owe the government? You are a civil servant you know.”

In my head I’m screaming, ‘ARE YOU KIDDING ME!! I DON’T OWE THE GOVERNMENT SHIT! THE JPA’S DO! THEY TAKE GOVERNMENT MONEY AND GET PLACED WHERE THEY WANT!”

(No offence to the JPA’s but it’s true)

By then I knew I was fighting a losing battle. It was unlikely that I was going to get Sngor/KL because every freaking body wants it and they were saving those spaces for those who really need it.

Then they went on saying,

“I don’t understand youngsters these days. They just want to stay in the city and not dare to venture out on their own. You need to learn to be independant.”

That is SOOOO NOT THE CASE. Has she ever thought that maybe I am doing this for my folks who really want me to be here?!?! And don’t talk to me about venturing out ok… I’m not called a venturer for nothing.

Mrs. Pengerusi: “How about Sabah or Sarawak? It’s a beautiful place. Or even the east coast.”

My jaw dropped. ‘OhMyGod are they really considering sending me to Kelantan?’ *shudder*. Sabah = Diving. But too far. OK Selene.. reject it without being rude.

Me: “Urhh… That’s quite a distance away….”

Mr. Ahli: “Too far ah? Then Ipoh la. Or nearer still, Melaka or Seremban.”

Relieved that they had opened more options, I decided to take the best out of them all eventhough it wasn’t ideal.

Me: “I guess if I HAD to choose then Seremban or Melaka would be better than the rest.”

Mr. Ahli: “Seremban or Melaka? OKLAH SETTLE!! Thank you.”

And that was the end of my interview.

SEELA!! THEY JUST WANTED TO SQUEEZE IT OUT OF ME!!

PENJAHAT! PENJAHAT!!

Hurmph…

It sounds ridiculous.

It was hard, even for me to believe that I didn’t have a single pair of formal pants!

And so I headed out on a shopping mission to find myself a pair so that I won’t have to go for the interview tomorrow wearing jeans.

After visiting MicroMei (yeah degraded from MiniMei to Micro. Macro oso tak boleh pass) at SJMC, I popped by Pyramid for my very lonely shopping trip.

First stop.. The M.A.C store!!!! FINALLYYYYYYYY! I got my Prep + Prime foundation base (RM90). Have yet to try it out, wooO so excited! My very first M.A.C product hehehe jakun. My L’Oreal powder foundation is almost used up so I enquired on their Studio Fix powder foundation (RM105). Double the price of L’Oreal… but it’s M.A.C!! It’s OK… When I’m (finally) a Pegawai Farmasi Gred U41 I’ll be able to afford it =P

Back to the point…. I finally got 2 pairs of formal pants yippeeee~!! So in total I spent about RM250 in 2 hours. T_T

Very expensive to have a daughter hor =P

And so gastritis attacks again.

I don’t know what I did to deserve this!

And so when the pain comes, the trick is distraction!

A load of good pain drowning songs, a very girly magazine (in my case, Cleo) and a LOT of soft pillows.

I was baking cream puffs this afternoon when it all started. Halfway into it, I had to abandon ship.

My sweet Papa came back from work cleaned my mess without question or complain (even before finding out why I had disappeared).

For dinner, he cooked porridge for me just the way I liked it.

And just before bed he handed me a remote control thingy that when pressed it rings a bell in his room… just in case I need anything in the middle of the night.

How can I be upset about anything else in the world, knowing how much this man loves me =)

The other night my brother asked me this super random question…

“Would you rather be stupid or unlucky?”

I pondered about this absolutely pointless question for awhile and came up with…

“I guess I’d rather be stupid.”

“If I were extremely intelligent yet unlucky, I’d be so frustrated I think I would kill myself.”

“But if I were stupid, I won’t even have to try to be good at anything cause people would know I’m stupid anyway.”

*****

Generally, I choose not to rely on ‘luck’ or ‘fate’. I strongly believe that almost everything can be controlled (or at least, influenced) by our actions and behavior. Most negative situations that people like to consider ‘unlucky’ can easily be rationalised.

I’ve had a few people tell me that I’ve been ‘unlucky’ to have this gastric problem and a sprained ankle so early in the new year. But I was sleeping late, skipping breakfast, having irregular meals and probably drinking too much Old Town white coffee. And the sprain could be because I didn’t warm up and was wearing the wrong kind of shoes for badminton.

Similarly, in relationships I don’t quite believe in…

“Maybe we’re just not meant to be” or “Let fate decide”.

The next person who says that to me will really get a piece of my mind.

Of course in tough situations it’s always easy to blame everything on those two words – ‘luck’ and ‘fate’.

And recently, I’ve had to convince myself not to resort to that.

I’d like to believe that opportunities in life arise most often from our own effort. And I was confident that I’ve been putting in that needed effort. And it’s so frustrating to see opportunities that could well be mine fly out the window and into someone else’s!

Then I start to wonder whether all that effort I put in was just my own delusion.

Or maybe I hadn’t put in as much effort as I thought I had.

*sigh*

I simply refuse to believe that some people are just born lucky.

Okla I’m bored so I’m going to do this.

1. Do you think you’re hot?

So much that you won’t be able to handle me.

2. Upload a favourite picture of you.

3. Why do you like this picture?

It was a cold Czech Christmas and I had a hot, enormous, juicy Czech (Vaclav) sausage in my mouth. SO HAPPY OKAY!!!!

4. When was the last time you ate pizza?

Urh.. August 08′.

5. The last song you listened to.

Better In Time – Leona Lewis

6. What are you doing right now besides this?

Listening to Fly.FM & browsing through old pictures.

7. What name do you prefer besides yours?

I wouldn’t have any other name to replace mine. But I think Roselyn is a pretty name.

8. People to tag.

KhaiYong, Kenny, Amelia, Mei, Yannee.

9. Who is No. 1?

Pegawai Farmasi Gred U41 Hospital Pakar Sultanah Fatimah Muar. Teehehe.. Okay less formally… KY is one of my hang out/travel/shopping kaki since my Glasgow days. He is my hairstylist, my entertainment, the reason why I have a blog. A fooser, DOTA rocks his socks and his hair is his mojo. Cool beans on the outside, absolute goof inside.

10. No. 3 is having a relationship with…

… clothes and having an affair with strawberries.

11. Say something about No. 5.

My uni classmate. First thing that comes to mind… Great dancer! Really fun, I think a bit kookoO also =P Owner of a great blog (honest, down to earth & hilarious =P). There’s this edge to her.. I dunno what it is exactly but she stands out.

12. How about No. 4?

Meiiii owh Mei… Where do I even start?! Ma sista since like.. forever or something… Sits beside me in lectures for all my uni life, baking class kaki, housemate in Glasgow, ceilidh kaki, travel kaki, shopping kaki, Raleigh kaki.. Omg la is there anything I don’t do without her?! She’s extremely talented, weird, insane (very bad influence *shakes head*) and… tiny.

13. Who is No. 2?

Keni Chaanikin. Ahwullalah. Apalumau Kodiak BearBear. SS3 uncle. He is my partner in crime back in high school. We’re the most undisciplined Discipline Masters of the school. We abused power and we loved every bit of it. He is a Starbucks addict (need to get him into rehab). Don’t let him catch sight of a KFC/McD’s.

I am morphing into something I don’t like.

Something that is extremely lazy, lethargic, unproductive and a waste of space on this planet.

I woke up almost 10am today and went to ‘nap’ (for like 3 hours) in the afternoon. The rest of the time I was slumped on the couch in front of the TV, flipping channels.

I’ve painted such an ugly picture for you. But that was me today.

And I hate it!!

I knew what was happening but I just had no motivation, no feeling of purpose, no drive to do anything whatsoever.

Even Flo Rida and Will.I.Am couldn’t get me up to dance.

I need that energy boost. But how? HOW?

Need I really drive out to the park just to take a jog? Spend loads on a gym to do boring, monotonous workouts?

Or maybe I should play badminton…. alone. So sad.

Do star jumps at home? Do 10 laps up an down my stairs?

I kinda want to go shopping. But some company would be good. Anyone up for some shopping in Bangsar on a weekday? I miss Cats Whiskers. Apply for emergency leave or something. I’ll buy you lunch. Shopping is more important anyway.

*****

As I lay lazily slumped on my couch, a diver friend of mine sent me an SMS.

Said he’s started work as a Divemaster in Sipadan Island.

OhMyGOD I could just die on that couch.

Here I am… wasting my life away and there he is on a beautiful island, soaking up the sun, feeling the soft sand on his feet, seeing amazing wildlife underwater on a DAILY BASIS on a world renowned dive site.

GARHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

So I’m sitting here in a house full of Pharmacists in Muar.

My proof?

I guess that says alot on its own.

I think we’re going to play badminton later…

I think I’m going in my white beaded flip flops.