it could be nothing.
but it could as well be something.
which is it?
always the question that breaks it.
and mending the same tear over and over again gets tiring, i must say.
it is one of those moments where i just want to be told that it will be worth it.. wait and see.
no i don’t want to find out myself.
i don’t want to realise it on my own.
i need to be told.
because that is all that drives me. and i need to know.
it seems to be the same question over and over.
with an answer that never seems to satisfy in the long run.
so i’ll be on leave for the rest of the week.
aih.
don’t ask why lar.
all you need to know is that i’m not going to die and i’m not going to go blind.
speculations that i may be able to shoot lazer from my eyes have yet to be proven.
but you know how super heroes tend to hide their ability from the general public?
for the safety of my loved ones, i may chose to do the same.
shit happens.
we’ve all heard that one.
what if that piece of shit came in a form of a rat chewing on the wires of a big fridge keeping expensive cytotoxic drugs?
a loss of 61k. that’s what.
*sigh*
i hope the rat burns in hell and the drama that came along with all that shit would just go away so i can start over.
*
there seem to be no room for mistakes.
there is never a good enough reason to use the line, “all humans make mistakes”.
but so long as i know i did and said no wrong, then i can live with everything else.
there is no need for me to be violently defensive.
actions still speak louder than words.
*
they’ll get it one day.
it is my last week in cdr.
it’s weird how i’ve been here for 3 weeks.
wy’s time in cdr is up a and he’s moving on to tpn. working with him has been such a pleasure, an honour even. he’s enthusiastic, meticulous and so helpful.
and so now that he is gone, i have to pass on what little i know to my new colleagues.
i have so much more to learn! i haven’t gotten enough of cdr.
i really enjoy the hands on experience with the drugs and the patients.
*
yesterday was a sunday.
and with every sunday is that same feeling in my gut.
nerves that come with the challenges of a new week.
and that drop in my heart when i have to part with my lovely’s.
.
during that 1 hour late night drive back to siew pau land, i gave myself a little pep talk that went something like..
“don’t be a little p***y!!!! there is nothing you can’t do (other than eat your own head). so shuttup, get on with it and be that person you were in Sabah”
then i smiled and i knew tomorrow is gonna be awesome.
*
and it was.
i got new stuff and they’re all pink =)
….. and a Titus watch.. all from HK.. YAY to MUMMY!!
=) =) =) =) =) =) =) =)
this post will be entirely in pink because it’s such a happy colour no?
*sigh* i’m so deeply in love….
….
……… with my new ipod.
nyahaha
i listen it while walking to office from the car park.. during work.. after work walking back to the car park.. blogging like right now.. before i go to bed… well u get the point….
look at it!! it almost screamsssss, “touch me! play with me! shake me!”
oh that whole shake and shuffle feature is so awesome i could just go choke someone cause i’m so happy.
*
i’m coming back to pj tomorrow!! please ask me out please please. i might not be free but ask me out anyway lah.. ahah wah nolahh.. kidding onlyyy… if we do go out, sniff me ok? and you will smell my new dior perfume heehee..
someone please agree with me that dior and crabtree & evelyn is NOT an aunty brand. neither is dorothy perkins!!!! because they’re awesome. and i am not an aunty just because i prefer sophistication =P
why ah why… why people keep ASSUMING (and you know what they say that means.. ‘making an ass out of you and me’) that i HATE my job and it is SO UNFORTUNATE to have gotten seremban like as though that place sucks sores and the people there are all idiots or something??!!
no i don’t bloody hate my job ok.
in fact so far i quite LIKE my job.
no doubt seremban hospital is old. so big deal that the pink walls aren’t so pink anymore. and maybe the tables are scratched and a little beat up. ever thought of being less petty and looking at the bigger picture?
the people are amazing. i have a great boss who is protective towards us and has never given us a hard time.
there are no traffic jams. driving to work and back home is a joy because seremban drivers have manners and the only people who are idiots on the road are KL drivers in seremban.
when i drive to work in the morning i can see the hills in the horizon and the orange sun behind it. it puts a smile on my face every morning.
when i go to work, i get to meet and talk to cancer patients. despite all that they have been through, they still smile at me and laugh with me.
so y’know, save me the condolences or the aww-you-poor-thing-didn’t-get-kl kind of look.
ohmy ohmy ohmy am i bored. gosh i’m so so bored. and i drank so much coffee today that i’m so hyper. but there’s nothing to really be hyper about. and i’m thinking.. “hrmm.. what are people doing at a time like this?” and oh the time is just about 9pm. and my heart is kind of racing and i think my fingers are trembling a little too.
i think it’s the coffee. i hadn’t had coffee all week. cause i get back from work and it’s late and i didn’t think drinking coffee at night would be a good idea but drinking coffee in the morning dehydrates and makes your breath smell weird. and so that’s why i drank coffee today. cause it’s a saturday and i thought i would have alot to do on saturday. but turns out that i didnt.
all i did today was wake up really late and then went to old town for lunch and had coffee. and then went to the nose warehouse sale and got 4 pairs of shoes for 56rm. then i came home and drank more coffee and did nothing. and now i haven’t had dinner. and i think i’m going to syed for dinner with chichi and desmond. wow such a boring place to be on a saturday night.
tomorrow is kenny’s birthday! happy birthday chaanikin!!
i hate it that tomorrow is a sunday. that means the next day is a monday. n that means work.
monday and tuesday’s are the worst. wednesday’s are not too bad cause then the next day is thursday and the day after that is friday! and friday is YAY day!!
i’m scared of next week cause i have to force myself to do humapen counselling.
a bird flew into my window, hit my fan and died on my brand new bed!!!!
how disastrious!!!!
lucky it didn’t actually happen.
*phew*
ngam ngam 1 week of working.
not too difficult.
what is hard is waking up at 6.50 in the morning and working from 8 to 5.
when i’m used to waking up at 11. and doing nothing all day long.
it’s a lifestyle that i’m just not familiar with.
and now i have a boss. which means i need to be busy all the time in front of him, eventhough sometimes there isn’t much to be busy with.
this month i’ll be in the cytotoxic drug reconsitution department. affectionally called cdr.
so in one sentence…. i… get orders for cytotoxic drugs (chemotherapy) then i dress up like i’m going to catch an alien to dilute the drugs in this super clean room then in the afternoon i go up to the wards to counsel patients on chemo side effects.
tah-da!! that is what i do.
i quite enjoy it so far =)
my boss asked me this one question today. so if so happen a geng pharmacist comes by can please tell me…
can cyclophosphamide still be administered if the patient’s wbc (17 ^10/L) and platelets (922 ^10/L) are high?
enough about work.
i moved into my new home in seremban2. awesome. have 2 imu medic student dudes as housies.
bachelor boys who keep a stack of fruits in the fridge and have vegetarian dinner nyahaha. one of a kind mann.
wow my life has taken such a turn in a single week.
i guess everything changes. everyone changes.
embrace it and love it.
or just ditch it.
