Life, stripped naked

i want to SPLURGE!!

first on my list is a facial at aster spring. planned for sunday evening after weekend ward round.

then i’m going for a mani and pedi. of which i might be a total unreasonable bitch and threaten the badboy to sit there while i have it, for my viewing pleasure. double fun whoopie!

okay i need to stop with the plans.. right.. here.

***

i was hungry.

and i can’t simply call anyone and go, “come! nasi lemak now!”

so i resorted to microwaving half a packet of cintan asam laksa and eating it alone in the hall while looking at an empty box of krispy kremes. (whyyy will.i.am whyyyyy)

***

Cleopatra Selene II (Greek:η Κλεοπάτρα Σελήνη, 25 December 40 BC-6), also known as Cleopatra VIII of Egypt or Cleopatra VIII was a Ptolemaic Princess and was the only daughter to Greek Ptolemaic queen Cleopatra VII of Egypt and Roman triumvir Mark Antony. She was the fraternal twin of Ptolemaic prince Alexander Helios. Her second name in ancient Greek means “moon”, being the counterpart of her twin brother‘s second name Helios, meaning “sun”. She was of Greek and Roman heritage.

beware merlin-genkhis-khan, for i am cleopatra selene.

***

mtl

unreasonable supervisors lead to bitter employees?

early in the morning edi super boh song.

if i were the supervisor, my only concern with people taking leave is that work doesn’t get done right?

i mean if it’s not the case then do me a favour and give me a good weekend laa omgwtf.

***

and because of that i no mood to look at cute paeds doctor di.

and sumore we now suspect he isn’t even a specialist. maybe just a houseman.

not so yeng anymore.

and he remembers patients by their weight, not their name. sweat balls.

“doctor! concerning baby of zubaidah right….”

“haa?? whose that? what’s the baby’s weight?”

“err…” **sweat balls dripping down**

***

tomorrow’s a friday. but dunno why this time i’m not as excited as i always am.

i think i’m easily influenced by people. their interests. their stories. their history.

i realise that i begin to like things. hate things. eventhough it has got nothing to do with me.

like how i started liking indie and house.

how i see pictures in a different light.

how i despise sungai long, the word and the place.

even the word ‘may’ has a whole different feel to it. one that makes me nauseous.

how is it that because of one, my day can take a horrible turn and end up crashing upside down?

and how is it that when it’s such an incredible wreck i can still walk away ok, because of one?

how is it that one can have so much power over me?

leaves me so emotionally powerless!!

sigh….. **drifts off to day dreaming**

***

yeee hee!! i finally have piccas to show u thanks to wy! taken with his canon eos 450d. haha if only i could put in fancy-shmancy photography jargon to make it sound cool….

my colleagues! long friday lunches rock!! boohoo this friday got lunch call blehh…

u see.. this is why diana isn’t into photography. (oh no, she stalks and she’s gonna read this and then i’m in shit lol)

top left, sifu wy. haha.

***

the cute specialist talked to me today. he said, “baby’s sodium level is a little low. can we increase the tpn sodium to 5?”. i was like.. “yeaaa!! of coursee cutiee!”.

then i went to a corner, did this –> 3.5 5

and giggled to myself.

*

it’s always you

mondays – fridays are routined.

things are alright but there isn’t really anything exciting worth shouting about.

who wants to hear about how many tpn bags i had prepared today, or that i haven’t found a case to present, or that i’m terrified about the coming weekend ward round?

even i’m too lazy to explain the details.

and that’s why the weekends are so great. that’s when the routine breaks.

watching a late night movie till 2, staying up till 5 then waking up at 12.

i don’t hate my job la ok.. so don’t come and tell me to be happy and blablabullshit. i just think the weekends are my 2 day ticket to freedom. and 2 days is so insufficient.

***

ok fine there is this paediatric specialist at the nicu that i think is kinda cute.

ykno not the boyband nick carter kinda cute more of the doctorly responsible gentleman kinda cute.

and i can’t put his name knowing my stalker colleagues who will read this and the next thing i know i can’t step into the nicu anymore (yala! you la!!)

he’s cute and everything but like all specialists, he totally intimidates me and i won’t go near him if i can help it so that he doesn’t come over and ask me something and i’ll be like “uhhhh…” and look like a fool.

***

read the papers yesterday?

i thought to myself, ‘i swear if anyone rented a red and yellow truck to marry me, i’m going to hurt em in the balls.’

then i thought that was kinda mean.

i gave it another thought and went, ’seriously.. i’m going to hurt him.’

anyone can have small fonts at the end of their post

monday is the hardest day of the week.

but lets not talk about monday. cause today is wednesday.

and that only means tomorrow is thursday.

and we all know what day it is after thursday =) =)

*

you are in every day.

but friday’s are special cause i can chip off the wall i build up throughout the week

and be with u.

cdr was a happy place. chemo nurses are happy people. chemo patients are hopeful. and i felt like i made a difference.

tpn makes me go to the icu. it’s disturbing.

it’s like the grim reaper lingers over the bed of each patient.

i didn’t think it would bother me that much. i mean i have seen really ill patients in other wards.

but it’s different when they put 8 frail, tube stuffed, critically ill patients in one room with lotsa beeping machines.

they are lifeless. their heart – kept beating with multiple drugs, their breathing – assisted by machines. they can hardly open their eyes or simply move an arm. they are suffering!!!!

i don’t know whether they are actually conscious enough to know what is going on. how much pain are they in? can you imagine feeling pain and tremendous discomfort and not being able to scream out loud?! just laying limp!!

it’s troubling.

i look at them and wonder how it managed to get this bad. and then they twitch, and I automatically look away. i can’t bear to look them in the eyes.

and when it’s visiting hours. you get family members who just stand by their beds and look down at them. still. expressionless. silent tears running down their faces.

so painful. so unfortunate.

these people are struggling to stay alive. either that or they are struggling to die to stop struggling to live.

then i read the newspaper about those bastard snatch thieves who caused the death of jamilah.

they should just automatically collapse into a long, excruciating, agonizing death and then turned into organic fertilizer.

i am just so bitter that the world can be such a dark, twisted place.

today is my first time stepping into the icu.

sigh.

i really can’t help but be a little emo.

especially when it’s visiting hours. like it’s not bad enough seeing the patient suffering, you have to see their helpless family as well.

the neonatal icu is not to say any less sedih la.. with thumbelina sized babies.

similarities? both icu/nicu patients are helpless. both have tubes everywhere. constant beeping and warning bells ringing.

difference? babies no matter how small or seemingly ‘deformed’ are still cute.

the very diseased elderly or 22 year-old involved in an accident.. not so cute.

babies know no better. they are oblivious to what’s happening. adults on the other hand know too much.

i can almost feel their discomfort when they wake up and gag on the intubation tube. and they struggle to lift their arms to tug on their tubes.

i hope they really get better.

and i hope the icu is not just some place where really sick people are monitored every hour and end up dying anyway.

and i hope i never have to visit anyone in the icu.

first song that played on the radio when i got into my car at 6.30am..

the bangles – manic monday

it’s just another manic mondayyyy.. i wish it was sunday.. cause that’s my fun day.. my i-don’t-have-to-run day.. it’s just another manic mondayyy..

so it got me kind of hyped up.. i did kind of miss work.. kind of..

i’ve moved from the cytotoxic drug reconstitution (cdr) dept. to the total parenteral nutrition (tpn) dept.

tpn.. think of it as.. i dunno.. food being injected into your veins.. HAHA ok fine maybe that was a bad example.

so i got all excited and i told myself it’s gonna be a good day. i’m gonna catch up on learning the stuff i should have learnt last week when my eyes got blasted by uv freaking light.

i stepped into office early and… first thing in the morning.. kena laughed at.. =.=”

everyone laughs at other peoples misfortunes once in a while. but forgoodness sake have the decency to go hide your face behind some cupboard to do it la.

but that’s alright, everyone else was sweet peas (yeah it’s my new word.. like cool beans) to me.

like wy tapau lunch and my jogging housie tapau dinner for me today!

and i got a gift from Santa in the form of 2 smses.

*

**

***

others look at models, i prefer the photographer

this week happened like as though i had it all cleverly planned out.

it’s like as though i knew u were going to be admitted.

then i zapped myself on the same day and then rushed back to pj just before everything started to go blurry.

by the time it got real bad, i was conveniently at a private hospital and a&e was just downstairs.

i got all my appointments with the doctor in the same hospital so that i could visit you.

and since it so happened to be a short week, it wasn’t a problem to take the week off.

and so i have the whole week off to spend with you.

and since you were stuck in a hospital, you couldn’t run off to play futsal or badminton.

so you were kind of stuck with me too.