Life, stripped naked

2 more days till the end of the energy sucking world of Ward Round and into the happy-pappy place of IPD – In Patient Department/Farmasi Pesakit Dalam/Farmasi Bekalan Wad (for non-Pharm-ers).

I’ve always been slow with making friends and it’s so unfortunate that it’s only in my last week in Ward 7B that I’m warming up to the doctors and nurses.

They are actually really warm fuzzy people.. Extremely overworked though. I have never caught any one of them stop for a single minute to say… look at their toes. Because that’s what I’ve been doing since rubbing off my red nail paint. They look so naked.

I think I would enjoy Ward Round even more if I didn’t have to do all those damn CP1s, CP2s and urghh case presentations.

When will I be able to do more meaningful things? Things that make a difference in the ward.. Like making recommendations to doctors? Things that will make me an essential part of the ward team?

Sometimes I feel like most of my time is used to fulfill my own PRP requirements.

Yes indeed. I don’t mind doing the little things for patients. But surely I am capable of more?

Well I guess we all just do what we have to do to get through the day. But on some days I’m sure we all wonder, what is it all for? What is the bigger picture?

*

Amanah Saham opened recently. Since then and paying my credit card bills, I feel…. robbed!

Out of the sudden the digits shown on the ATM plummet to a pathetic amount.

And I still have thoughts of getting a PDA phone. One with a full QUERTY board and an OS that is compatible with the medical software I wanna install. Must not look manly man man like Kenny’s Samsung and a relatively big screen. Possible to get under 2k??

Oh and I kinda fancy these charms I found on e-bay…

I like it that they’re not too finely crafted and slightly stained rose gold. Makes em seem more antique and special.

About 17rm minus shipping from the US.

Lol I’m such a sucker for these things.

How now brown cow?

yaye! 2 case presentations down.

3 more to go.

lol stress balls man this whole week.

tuesday did warfarin + postnatal + lunch call + 2 tonnes of counsellings + night call + prepare case presentation.

possibly the longest day i’ve had in the history of me working T_T

tomorrow gonna try not to make myself too obvious in the ward. dr R likes to go.. “seleneahh can you………”

omg then i’ll be stuck there past 5. and that’s no fun on a friday right.

i think i would probably enjoy being a ward pharmacist. if my brains were more saturated with relevant knowledge than my current brain which is full of ‘when is my eggplant gonna be ready for harvestingggg?’ (hint: farmville)

fucking fb ruining my life.

i’m quite amazed at how much my senior pharmacists know. respect.

i wonder all the time when i’m ever going to reach that level. how do they remember so much?! (if only i could swallow those damn gingko biloba/ginseng extract capsules)

**

ok i saw these earrings on an online site

i think they’re quite pretty. think so? it’s only 14.50rm including postage. should i??

***

i just read someone’s blog about self improvement and how that person is working so hard to persuing dreams and so on so forth and suddenly my blog post seems like its so full of meaningless shit.

hence the strikethrough above.

lol

actually makes it even more shitty right?

okla to more serious shitla..

i’m actually quite happy with where i am and what i’m doing now.

i think my job is a meaningful one and i honestly believe it will be even more meaningful in the future when i actually know shit. it makes me appreciate life and fear death a little less. it makes me patient. it makes me compassionate. it forces me to smile eventhough i’m tired.

i am a pharmacist. my parents paid good money for me to study for 4 gruelling years. but when i’m in the ward and the patient needs my help to get up, needs more micropore for that bit of gauze that just ain’t sticking or even a hand to hold to complain and to cry to, i am more than happy to help eventhough it’s not in the job description.

yes i don’t get to stay at home on weekdays. i don’t get to eat home cooked food and drink nutritious soup every night. i don’t get to have supper with my boyfriend when and where i wish. but it could have been much worse. it can still be much worse. i still can’t imagine getting posted to a place like palong. or gemas.

to say i’m content, i wouldn’t dare just yet. so many areas of improvement. so much of me that has yet to grow and mature.

so that is my meaningful post.

one that has been missing for a long time because i never stopped to think of the hopeful parts in life (because i’m usually dwelling in the more depressing parts).

signing off,

maooO~ xoxo

(lol)

extremely erratic mood changes.

no explanation.

i asked my housemate what the heck is wrong with me and what can cause this madness?!?

this is what the to-be-doctor said..

hormone imbalance..

ok.. so what can i do to correct it??

become a guy.

oh great.. cause growing a pair of balls is just too easy..

***

i am at home in the afternoon of a wednesday because i had my very first night call!

it was a little weird being in the hospital when the sky is dark.. but to my surprise, nothing scary about it at all.

12am-8am.. can lah.. i’ll just do work, maybe watch an episode of top gear.. put on music and before i know it, it’ll be over.

well it was sort of like that in addition to…..

12.10am: phone rings. i pick up. silence. silence. silence. i hang up.

adakah ini angkara encik f? or is this some kind of weird ghost buster moment 10 minutes into my shift?

2.30am: nurse rings for iv pamidronate. stat. i damn noob. pamidronate??? scramble to look for it. p. p. p… pamidronate. pamidronate. pamidronate..

ended up being under Di-freaking-sodium pamidronate. and it had me going down to ipd to get 1 vial.

3.10am: same nurse rings for… for whattt?? loratadine. i don’t really count having the sniffles as being very urgent. fine. whatever. supply 1 tablet.

3.30am i went to sleep

.. only to be awaken at…

4.30am by very loud crying. ok. wailing. that lasted a good 15 minutes. that reminded me that i was in a hospital. a little disturbing i have to admit.

7.15am wake up. pack up.

7.30am open office.

8am toodles!

this stupid pci thing is reallyyyyy grumpifying the crap out of me.

bnf open, sarawak handbook open, internet references open, clinical practice guidelines downloaded..

1 hour…

2 hours….

3 hours…..

not 1 pci done.

then i realise…

face-f**king-book open, itunes open, MSN too..

no bloody discipline!

and to forget how absolutely lousy i am i just want to go to sleep.

if puti was an actual bad word.. i am it!

i have plans of going my pci’s – pharmaceutical care plans tonight.. and that’s the only reason i rejected yannee’s invite for a confirmed yummy dinner.

but i figured got some time lahh to blog… (this is probably step 1 of procrastination)

i’ve been in quiteeee good spirits lately i’m just soo happee and content.

i hope by declaring that, i’m not actually jinxing it…

it’s my 3rd day as a ward pharmacist for 7b alongside my kepala, miss a.

and y’kno it’s not as bad as i initially thought it would be (i reallyyyyy hope i’m not jinxing it).

go around asking patients drug history.. clerking their cases.. doing warfarin/humapen/mdi counselling.. following specialists on their morning round…

and i only saw 1 person die so far. which is pretty good.

y’know,  maybe i am jinxing it a lil… i’m going to stop now….

***

i had a good weekend.

SerembanDiana, PenangJoyce, SarawakDaphne and both PJLene & PJMei sat at a expensive cafe in the Garden’s and ate like u41’s earned alot of money.

i’m talking 30rm for an apple pie and a cappuccinno.

sweat balls.

oh and we had a sleepover at Mei’sMansion.

and the rest of the time was with YouKnowWho.

lol

P106 recently graduated =) A bigass congratulations to them.

…. That means it has been 1 year since my own graduation in Glasgow.

The 2nd batch of 2009 Raleigh venturers have just started their training at TAC.

…. That means it has been 9 months since I started my own Sabah adventure with Raleigh.

The travels.

The adventure.

The challenge.

The culture.

If only time flies both ways.

Doubt thou that the stars are fire;

Doubt thou that the sun doth move;

Doubt truth to be a liar;

But never doubt that I love.

- William Shakespeare, Hamlet