You know life can be so funny sometimes (okay honestly.. not so funny).
Life’s experiences teaches me and reminds me time and time again that when something good happens, it’s not actually good. Something will creep up and ruin it. It’s like.. life is telling me that everything great is short-lived.
Personal experiences have proven it to me and when I’m supposed to be all-out-happy, I tell myself it’s “too good to be true” and this automatic barrier comes up and blocks part of me that wants to jump up with joy.
Not too long ago I was in ‘cloud nine’. Happy. Contented. I could not ask for more. True enough, it came crashing down right before my eyes.
Now I’ve got exactly what I’ve been hoping and waiting for. It’s what I’ve dreamed of hearing. I’ve heard those words that I need to wipe away the worry and pain that has been plaguing me for 7 long months. It was the promise I thought I would never hear.
But I can’t bring myself to enjoy it.
I can’t seem to savour this moment because at the back of my head I’m going, “this is too good to be true. Where is the catch? I must be missing something.”
WHAT IS IT? What is the illusion that makes this magic?
I’m skeptical that this is the end of my worries.
It’s all confusing again when it should be crystal clear.
The boyfriend selamba-ly tore out a page from my Female magazine during Sunday brunch…
Right in front of my eyes.. with no shame….
Then Yannee stole the torn-out-page from me at dinner today…
Right in front of my eyes.. with no shame….
At least she’s putting him to good use… Plastered on her room door to ‘improve the flow of lengchai chi’ into her room.
LOL if only I could upload the picture I took of PF, Yannee & J nearly drooling over his picture at dinner.
Silly silly girls.
(Happy la you now. Manage to get rid of him)
Hello.
I’m using Bio-Oil.
I hope it works.
So skeptical. But more desperate. So had to try.
From the outside I say “Bahh who cares bout the scars” but deep inside it kinda matters.
And yea I’m actually talking bout something else.
I’m feeling much better now.
But I’m not sure whether I’ve really learned to accept or that I’ve just ignored and forgotten.
Maybe a bit of both?
I think I’m okay with it now.. Well.. until it comes up again and I go bezerk and mad.
I hope Bio-Oil gives me pretty legs.
Maybe that will help a tad bit.
I have an impossible load of work to finish by the end of the week.
So much that I’m already giving up because unless I’m inhuman (which I’m pretty sure I’m not), it’s a guarantee that I would not be able to complete it.
I really wanna watch Top Gear now. But I’ll feel bad.
So I’ll go to sleep then I’ve got the excuse that I’m ‘resting’ so I won’t feel so bad.
I don’t wanna do all of this work already.
I don’t want to be in Seremban.
I just want to go home.
I don’t want to be away. I don’t care how ‘near’ it is because it’s not near enough.
I don’t want to be away from mummy and daddy who are the only two people who love me unconditionally.
I want to lay in bed.
I want you to tell me it’s going to be okay.
